Coming Back Down

After the four-day SCBWI conference that ended Monday, I'm getting back to my usual routine. Or rather a new routine. It's hard to come home from the conference and not be changed, at least a little, and it's been hard to get back to a routine of any sort for the past two days. Writing is--for the most part--a solitary endeavor, despite critique groups and writer friends and even an editor or agent. The writer is the one who does the job getting the thoughts from brain to paper. So now, after four solid days of being immersed in the children's writing business and all the people associated with it, I have to get back to work...by myself. After my first conference several years ago, I came home and said to Mr. GJ, "Now I know how doctors feel when they go to medical conventions, being surrounded by other people who do what they do." That doesn't happen often for writers, which is why I always feel I've reached a higher floor when I go to a conference. And then I come home, and feel like I'm back in the lobby again.

At this year's conference, I ended up talking to a few highly-esteemed and well-published authors, which I'd never done before (I'm soooo not good at the schmoozing professionals thing at which some other people seem to be naturals), I met new people, and I got to talk shop with and get encouragement from fellow writers. Now I'm back home, not talking to authors or meeting people or talking shop on a daily basis; it's just me and my keyboard. And as excited as I am to apply some of the things I learned about and thought about over those four days, I'm also feeling a bit deflated. And somewhat terrified. I mean, can I do this on my own? I sort of compare it to being in the hospital and getting constant attention and care (even though the nurses come to take your vitals in the middle of the night, but that's another story), and then you go home to recuperate, and you're on your own. In your own familiar surroundings, yes, but without the safety net of having others around who can help and support you (and give you pain medication when you need it).

I know Mr. GJ (and possibly my cats) are rooting for me, but after a few days at the conference of feeling like "yes, I can do this thing called writing a book, because I have ideas and people are encouraging me and as soon as I get home I'm going to apply all this info and energy!", I'm now home and without the constant support and energy of others around me, and can feel the familiar self doubt of "can I REALLY write a book...and have it be good?" starting to creep back in. Well, in a couple of days I'll be having coffee with a writer friend of mine who I haven't seen in a couple of years, and though she doesn't write children's books, it'll still be nice to talk shop with someone. It may not inflate me as much as the conference did, but it may be just enough helium to get my confidence floating again...