Reading, Writing, and Being Overwhelmed

I am now officially in pre-conference (that would be the SCBWI Summer Conference) overdrive. Now only 10 days away, each day, it seems, I wake up trying to decide if I should read a novel from the stack I've assembled (either written by authors who will be at the conference, or edited by editors who will be there), try to revise at least another chapter or two of my novel, or spend more time doing internet research on the agents and editors who will be there so I can focus on which workshops would be most appropriate for me--not just by subject matter, but also who would be the best fit editor or agent for my current manuscript. I already discovered publishing houses that I wouldn't submit to, either because they focus on picture books or "upper YA" (read: older than my intended audience), so now I can concentrate on other workshops. I think I've done more research this year than I ever have, I'm trying to read as many books as I can (in years past, I've bought books to have them signed by authors at the conference, then had them sit on my shelf until I had time to read them, but this year they will be read before they're signed), so the thing that seems to be suffering, if one can call it that, is the writing. You know, the whole reason I'm going to this conference in the first place...?

I'm trying not to beat myself up too much over this, but considering that one of the benefits of the conference is being able to submit to editors who at any other time are closed to unsolicited manuscripts, it would obviously behoove me to have a manuscript that's relatively close to being ready to send by the time I attend the conference. I would venture to guess that there are some people who wouldn't even consider going there with anything short of a completed manuscript, but fortunately or unfortunately, I'm not in that category myself. Thus far, there's only one year I attended the conference with a completed manuscript under my belt--and I got the worst, most devastating critique ever (that it was at least from an editor did not soften the blow). So, maybe that's a sign?? We shall see.

There are two more books I'd like to finish reading in the next 10 days, after reading two in the past two days, and then I hope to focus on my writing. I just read Tithe by Holly Black (my first Holly Black book), and my new current favorite book, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. I absolutely fell in love with this book, starting it last night and finishing it late this morning, and I cannot wait to hear him speak at the conference. I've heard him speak before, at the L.A. Times Book Festival a couple of years ago, and he was very funny (and very nice when I met him). He's delivering the first speech of the conference, which will definitely start things off with a bang. The funny thing about the conference this year, though, is although I'm absolutely excited about it, I've been experiencing some anxiety, too. Mostly about my critique, I think: who will it be with? Will it be on the first day, or will I have to wait until the last? Will he or she like it? I've had critiques before, but this is the first one with this manuscript since I got the devastating critque with it four years ago, before throwing (hiding?) it into a drawer and starting a major overhaul on it last year. Well, it's out of my hands at the moment, so all I can do right now is take a deep breath and wait. I wish I practiced yoga and/or meditation...is it too late to start in the next ten days?