Biting the Bullet

Today, I did something that I had been putting off for a while now. It was something I thought maybe I'd do one day, but didn't know if I was quite ready to make the commitment. No, it wasn't redoing the outline for my novel (which has been screaming to me for the past few days). No, it wasn't rearranging my closet (which, believe me, also reeeeeaaaalllly needs to be done sooner than later). So, what was it?

I joined Facebook.

Now, to most people, this very well may seem like an insignificant thing, like cleaning out the lint trap each time you use the clothes dryer, or buckling your seat belt when you get into your car--a no-brainer--but for me, this was taking a plunge. There were decisions to be made: what photo to put up, how much info to include in my profile, things like that. As for the photo, well, I haven't liked photos of myself lately (I'm in the middle of a struggle to get in better shape--the word "diet" is off-limits), so how to decide to visually represent myself to people coming across my profile who may not have seen me for 20-plus years? I finally settled on one that I'm okay with, but still wish it was better. I haven't put any detailed info on there yet (how to decide what I want to convey will take a while, I'm sure), but what has sent me into a tizzy is trying to find people and "friending" them. So, I may want to see what the person who used to fall asleep in ninth-grade Earth Science is up to these days, but I can't view their profile unless I make a request to be added to their "Friends" list. Which means I can be rejected. Which is not good for my ego (there's a reason I write books for teenagers).

Also, I am the kind of person who, only when I got to college, did I grudgingly give up on the idea of trying to keep in touch with everyone I'd ever tried to keep in touch with, including people from summer camp and elementary school. Only, now I can try to find them again. Which means hours ahead of me trying to look up every name from my past that pops into my head. Which is a lot of names. A lot. I'm not trying to brag, I'm simply stating a fact that tons of names get stored in my brain and stay there (ask Mr. GJ), often much to my dismay. So there I was on Facebook this afternoon, finding such people as a guy I had a crush on in middle school, a guy I was inadvertently mean to in middle school (can't give any details, since I know I'll use it in a future book!), a girl I sat behind in chemistry, and people I did indeed go to summer camp with (none of my bunkmates, though--darn!). And then I typed in the name a girl whose name popped into my head because it was so distinctive, and though I think I only went to school with her for a year (maybe her family moved?) and she probably wouldn't remember me, suddenly her photo was onscreen. There she was, the same face I remembered from 30 years ago only older, and my brain almost exploded. Even as I'm typing this entry I've been intermittently checking names as I think of them.

Add to this fun-but-sometimes-mind-blowing activity the fact that decisions must be made, and I think by tomorrow I'll be on full overload. Here's the thing--my brother encouraged me to join, but he's the kind of person who would probably try to "friend" pretty much everyone he knows and not even think twice about it. I, on the other hand, find a name and mull it over, wanting to contact people I knew in high school, hoping they're over the high school "thing" and would be more tickled and curious to hear from me than repulsed. Not people I wasn't friends with at all (like people who were mean to me--yes, there were a few), but maybe people who were on the fringes of the "in" crowd (you know, that crowd I wasn't in), who I sat with in Spanish and were chatty with me in class if not outside of it. Or a few people who weren't necessarily friendly with me while we were in high school, but when I'd see them while I was home on break from college, we'd at least smile and say "hi" in recognition. If I tried to "friend" them, would they be past all the high school crap, or would they go running to their other friends and say "can you believe who just wanted to 'friend' me? Hahahahaha!" As if I wasn't anxious enough checking my email to see if the agency responded, now I get to also anxiously check to see if people have accepted my friend requests. Great.

Am I overthinking this? Probably. Am I thinking in this sort of detail about social relationships based on high school behavior even though we've hopefully all grown up from that because I'm a children's writer? I don't know...am I?