Scribblings of a Scribe

To the Man at the Farmer's Market

2011-05-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

I recently attended Agent's Day, where one agent said "A blog that's not updated regularly is creepy." I didn't know by being a procrastinator I would be considered "creepy," but I'm going to do my best to rectify that by posting more often (how much more often I can't say, however, so I'll just try to be less creepy).

Today I went to a local farmer's market that I frequent, and as I passed one of the vendors, I noticed a donation box that said "To help pay for funeral expenses." As I glanced at a photo on the front of the box, I saw that it was a gentleman who'd waited on me several times. I never knew his name, and I didn't buy from that vendor often enough for me to be familiar to him, but I suddenly felt rather sad and stuffed a few dollars into the slot. As I finished buying my produce around the market, I couldn't stop thinking about him, about how to me he was just a semi-familiar face behind a table who sold me vegetables every once in a while, but beyond that he was a person with a name and a life and a story. As we all are.

When I got home, after the midday scramble of lunch, a load of laundry and a nap for my son, all I wanted to do was get back to my writing. I've let one of my manuscripts sit for a spell, and while common wisdom is to do this for a bit so you can come back to it with fresh eyes, it was starting to feel like I was neglecting it. I want to tell my characters' stories, much like I want to read others'. I want to know people's stories.

So, to the soft-spoken man at the farmer's market with the mustache, graying hair and slight accent, I may not have known your name, and I may not know your story, but I want to thank you. Thank you for making me realize that all of our stories, both real and fictional, matter in some way to someone.

How to Discover New Things?

2011-02-15T13:56:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and thought "I have to write today." Not I'd like to or I hope I have a chance to while my son is practicing his new ability to climb onto our couch unassisted (with glee, I might add), but I have to. I told myself I didn't care if it was a page in my journal, updating my son's baby book, a new blog post or a fresh outline for an old WIP I have, I just knew I needed to be verbalizing thoughts on either paper or keyboard (considering this is a new entry to read, I think it's safe to say which option won out so far). It was a pleasant surprise to have that feeling. I had a drama teacher tell our class once that to be a successful actor, you can't want to act, you have to need to act. Of course, there are other factors that contribute to success besides perseverance (honing one's craft, and talent, for example), but I think that people with a certain amount of drive may try harder to reach their goals. Certainly not a guarantee of success, but it can't hurt.

So, I watched the Grammy Awards the other night, for one main reason. Yes, the fashion hits or misses are often entertaining, and rooting for an artist you like to get some recognition is fun. The draw for me, though, is the performances--but I don't necessarily tune in to see Mick Jagger or Barbra Streisand do their thing, I want to discover someone new (to me, anyway). Years ago this was how I found out about an incredible performer named Bobby McFerrin (way before his "Don't Worry, Be Happy" fame). Based on his Grammy performance, I went out and bought a CD of his, which in turn made me buy two more. This year, I fell in love with the sounds of Mumford and Sons and the Avett Brothers. But, not everyone gets to perform on national TV, so how am I supposed to find new music? Once upon a time, my favorite thing in the world was to go into New York to Tower Records and spend my time perusing the bins of records (yes, I'm old enough to still own records), looking for music that looked interesting, or seeing that my favorite artists had new albums out. Years later, there was an independent record store not far from my apartment where I looked forward to stopping in and seeing new recordings of musicals or vocalists I didn't even know about. Well, neither that store nor Tower exists anymore, so the only place I can browse tactilely now is a major chain with an extremely limited selection if I want anything beyond well-known artists or current Top-40. I went to one of these stores not long ago looking for a CD by a moderately well-known band, and there wasn't even a plastic bin card with their name on it. That made me sad. How will anyone discover their music unless the CDs show up in an Amazon "customers also bought" display while someone's buying some other CD? (Not to completely knock this feature, since I've discovered some interesting new items this way, but it's awfully limiting...)

The same principle can be applied to books. Sure, there are currently more places available to buy books than music (thank goodness--for now), but there are fewer than there used to be. If bookstores go the way of the dinosaur, as some doomsayers say they might, how will anyone be able to get that thrill of picking up a book with an exciting cover, and deciding after they read the jacket copy that they must buy it? Yes, there's still word of mouth, and there are libraries and Amazon reviews, but it feels like it's getting harder and harder for people to discover these things on their own.

Maybe it's just me being an old fogey, but I still like being able to seek out new things in books and music and find them myself, sometimes by happenstance. If I get published someday, how will people find my books if they're not in every big box store? (I imagine myself going door-to-door with my book as if I'm selling Girl Scout cookies.) I don't want to be limited to browsing only what a mass merchandiser has room for in their limited book section. For now, I will continue to go to my favorite book store, Children's Book World, and browse to my heart's content. I know I'll find something new and good--I always do.

What A Difference A Year Makes

2010-08-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

Well, well... I can't believe I haven't written here in almost a year. There's not just one reason that has led to that, but the primary ones are, probably not coincidentally, the two things that are most needing my attention right now: my literal baby and my literary baby. My son is now 8 months old, and I'm having such a great time being with him. Even when he's fussy and I can't get much (if anything) done, I try to remember how lucky I am to be home with him, especially when I know so many people who had to go back to work as soon as their maternity leave was up. And then there's my "book baby," which makes me joyful yet is also demanding of my time, much like my son.

The funny thing is, when people ask "How are you getting anything done with a baby at home?" I can honestly say that I'm actually getting more done with my book now than I was before my baby was born. How? Well, let's just say things like housework have fallen a bit on the priority list (though now that my son is almost crawling, that may have to change). Laundry gets done these days when my husband runs out of socks or we put the last clean cover on the changing table in the nursery. It took having a baby to help me learn to do something I haven't been very good at in the past: prioritizing. If only my former boss could see me now--it wasn't the expensive time management seminar she sent me to that did the trick, it was having a baby! She'd be very impressed at how much I was getting done in a limited amount of time each day.

There's another (very) important component in being able to get more done on my book lately, and that's having a fantastic critique partner, Tanya. While I'm part of a critique group, we don't meet as often as I'd like, so for almost a year (I think), Tanya and I have been trying to meet weekly to exchange our work with each other, about a chapter at a time. By doing this, there's an accountability--if I don't have anything to be critiqued, I feel guilty. The process is helpful, and Tanya is a great critiquer (as well as a great writer). If you're a writer reading this, my best advice is to find someone to read your work, whether it's a group (which is not always easy to do) or one person. It can make a difference in your output as well as the quality of your work.

So, here I am, just finished up with this year's SCBWI conference, feeling in a totally different place than I was last year. I'm farther along with my revisions and getting closer to submitting (that's a different post for a different day), I feel like my writing is stronger, I've made more writing contacts, and I was more comfortable talking to people at the conference this year (not an easy task for a reformed shy person). Maybe it's because after 9 conferences (eek!), I'm starting to feel that I can be a published author, that I do belong around people like Linda Sue Park, Kathleen Duey and Carolyn Mackler, and that I don't want to do anything as a career besides being a children's author. Besides being a mom, that is...

Coming Back Down

2009-08-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

After the four-day SCBWI conference that ended Monday, I'm getting back to my usual routine. Or rather a new routine. It's hard to come home from the conference and not be changed, at least a little, and it's been hard to get back to a routine of any sort for the past two days. Writing is--for the most part--a solitary endeavor, despite critique groups and writer friends and even an editor or agent. The writer is the one who does the job getting the thoughts from brain to paper. So now, after four solid days of being immersed in the children's writing business and all the people associated with it, I have to get back to work...by myself. After my first conference several years ago, I came home and said to Mr. GJ, "Now I know how doctors feel when they go to medical conventions, being surrounded by other people who do what they do." That doesn't happen often for writers, which is why I always feel I've reached a higher floor when I go to a conference. And then I come home, and feel like I'm back in the lobby again.

At this year's conference, I ended up talking to a few highly-esteemed and well-published authors, which I'd never done before (I'm soooo not good at the schmoozing professionals thing at which some other people seem to be naturals), I met new people, and I got to talk shop with and get encouragement from fellow writers. Now I'm back home, not talking to authors or meeting people or talking shop on a daily basis; it's just me and my keyboard. And as excited as I am to apply some of the things I learned about and thought about over those four days, I'm also feeling a bit deflated. And somewhat terrified. I mean, can I do this on my own? I sort of compare it to being in the hospital and getting constant attention and care (even though the nurses come to take your vitals in the middle of the night, but that's another story), and then you go home to recuperate, and you're on your own. In your own familiar surroundings, yes, but without the safety net of having others around who can help and support you (and give you pain medication when you need it).

I know Mr. GJ (and possibly my cats) are rooting for me, but after a few days at the conference of feeling like "yes, I can do this thing called writing a book, because I have ideas and people are encouraging me and as soon as I get home I'm going to apply all this info and energy!", I'm now home and without the constant support and energy of others around me, and can feel the familiar self doubt of "can I REALLY write a book...and have it be good?" starting to creep back in. Well, in a couple of days I'll be having coffee with a writer friend of mine who I haven't seen in a couple of years, and though she doesn't write children's books, it'll still be nice to talk shop with someone. It may not inflate me as much as the conference did, but it may be just enough helium to get my confidence floating again...

Back to the Storyboard...

2009-07-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

Well, in case it isn't obvious by now, I'm no longer sticking to my self-imposed rule of only blogging when I've done some work on my book. It wasn't working for me, mostly because when I didn't write, I got frustrated when I felt I couldn't blog (especially during the height of my morning sickness for a few months), and when I didn't blog, I felt guilty that it was due to my not writing. So, though I was well-intentioned in thinking that each would provide incentive for the other, mostly what the whole thing was providing was guilt. So, I've given myself the freedom again to write and blog independently of each other--I think it'll be much more productive for me on both counts.

Today I did something with my writing that I haven't done in a while, and I've never done it with my current manuscript: I put it in storyboard form. Well, what I call a storyboard, anyway (it's far from an illustrative one, considering I can't draw much beyond stick figures). I have a large tri-fold display board that I used to set on an easel at pet adoption events when I was attempting to do pet photography for a while, and while I don't do the photography anymore, I figured I could at least get another use out of the board (the funny thing is, there are still animal photos affixed to the inside folds of the board). With my previous manuscript, I wrote out each chapter on a large Post-It note, then stuck them in numerical order on the board. Using different colored pens, I wrote out what happened (or was going to happen, for the ones I hadn't written yet) in each chapter, using a different color for each plot thread. In this way, I could really see how things arced or when I'd dropped a certain thread for too long, and it made me focus on meeting the goal for one chapter at a time, rather than worry about the entire book as a whole (at least initially). So, today I got as far as writing out the Post-Its for the chapters I've already written, but didn't get to block out the chapters I haven't written yet. I have a general idea of what I want to happen in the next few chapters, but I think it was a daunting task to figure out the rest of the book at the moment. It's okay, though; right now, one step, one chapter or one Post-It at a time is good enough for me. After all, after not writing at all for a few months, maybe it's better for me to try a lap or two rather than attempt to swim the English Channel my first time back in the water.

Reading, Writing, and Being Overwhelmed

2009-07-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

I am now officially in pre-conference (that would be the SCBWI Summer Conference) overdrive. Now only 10 days away, each day, it seems, I wake up trying to decide if I should read a novel from the stack I've assembled (either written by authors who will be at the conference, or edited by editors who will be there), try to revise at least another chapter or two of my novel, or spend more time doing internet research on the agents and editors who will be there so I can focus on which workshops would be most appropriate for me--not just by subject matter, but also who would be the best fit editor or agent for my current manuscript. I already discovered publishing houses that I wouldn't submit to, either because they focus on picture books or "upper YA" (read: older than my intended audience), so now I can concentrate on other workshops. I think I've done more research this year than I ever have, I'm trying to read as many books as I can (in years past, I've bought books to have them signed by authors at the conference, then had them sit on my shelf until I had time to read them, but this year they will be read before they're signed), so the thing that seems to be suffering, if one can call it that, is the writing. You know, the whole reason I'm going to this conference in the first place...?

I'm trying not to beat myself up too much over this, but considering that one of the benefits of the conference is being able to submit to editors who at any other time are closed to unsolicited manuscripts, it would obviously behoove me to have a manuscript that's relatively close to being ready to send by the time I attend the conference. I would venture to guess that there are some people who wouldn't even consider going there with anything short of a completed manuscript, but fortunately or unfortunately, I'm not in that category myself. Thus far, there's only one year I attended the conference with a completed manuscript under my belt--and I got the worst, most devastating critique ever (that it was at least from an editor did not soften the blow). So, maybe that's a sign?? We shall see.

There are two more books I'd like to finish reading in the next 10 days, after reading two in the past two days, and then I hope to focus on my writing. I just read Tithe by Holly Black (my first Holly Black book), and my new current favorite book, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. I absolutely fell in love with this book, starting it last night and finishing it late this morning, and I cannot wait to hear him speak at the conference. I've heard him speak before, at the L.A. Times Book Festival a couple of years ago, and he was very funny (and very nice when I met him). He's delivering the first speech of the conference, which will definitely start things off with a bang. The funny thing about the conference this year, though, is although I'm absolutely excited about it, I've been experiencing some anxiety, too. Mostly about my critique, I think: who will it be with? Will it be on the first day, or will I have to wait until the last? Will he or she like it? I've had critiques before, but this is the first one with this manuscript since I got the devastating critque with it four years ago, before throwing (hiding?) it into a drawer and starting a major overhaul on it last year. Well, it's out of my hands at the moment, so all I can do right now is take a deep breath and wait. I wish I practiced yoga and/or meditation...is it too late to start in the next ten days?

What's In a Name?

2009-07-22T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have vowed (to myself, anyway) that this blog will not become one about pregnancy, babies, and motherhood. After all, that's not the only thing going on in my life, and that's not why I started this blog in the first place. That doesn't mean that I'll never mention any of those subjects (kind of hard not to right now, especially when they have an effect on other things in my life), but I don't want to follow in the footsteps that people sometimes do, traipsing down the path to Babyville, never to be heard from again. Being pregnant and a mom is part of who I am and who I'll be, but it doesn't singularly define me. On the other hand, I once heard a popular YA author speak about her writing process, and she told the audience that one of the best things she ever did was hire a sitter outside of her home, so once she dropped her baby off she had her apartment to herself and could work in quiet without distractions. That really turned me off to her, and (maybe not so coincidentally) I haven't read any of her books since. I'd like to think that I'll find a happy medium between baby time and writing time--or am I being too idealistic??

Anyway, people have been asking me lately if my husband and I have chosen a name for our baby yet. We haven't (though even if we have, we already decided we're not telling anyone beforehand--more to avoid prejudgement ("eww, you're naming your baby THAT?") than superstition), but sometimes it can feel a bit daunting. Yes, I know it seems I'm contradicting what I said in the previous paragraph, as all this is about babies and has not much to do with writing. Well, I'm getting to that. See, while picking a name for a character isn't always easy, it seems much simpler than choosing a name for a real, live person. I have a list of potential character names on index cards that I've had for years, and whenever I hear or think of an interesting name, onto the card it goes. When I create a new character, sometimes names come first, and sometimes I have to try a few out before it seems "right" to me. I can make the name fit the character, or vice-versa. I can give a school nerd a cringe-worthy name, I can give the hunky captain of the swim team a sigh-worthy name, or I can give the villain of the book the name of someone who was mean to me in school. And I can match it up with any last name I want. Then, if it doesn't work, I can change it in the next draft (especially thanks to Ctrl + f!). However, it's a bit more complicated for a real person. First of all, the last name is already set, so I have to pick a first name that fits nicely with it. Then, I want to pick a name that's hopefully going to fit as a baby as well as an older person (someday, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to have a generation of seniors named Tiffani--no offense to any Tiffanis out there, btw). Then, it should be a name that both my husband and I like and will not get tired of saying, and on top of all that, it can't be one that is associated with anyone in my or my husband's life whom we don't like. Oh yeah, and it can't be the name of anyone's pet we know (there's a name I like, but someone we know has a cat with that name--it would be a bit awkward when that person asked us what our child's name was and we said "the same as your cat"), and we're trying to give the baby a name that no one in either of our families already has (as opposed to purposely naming a child after a relative, which right now we're not planning to do except in Hebrew after my mother, and how often would our kid be called by the Hebrew name?). Whew!

Compared to all this, picking a name for a character is kind of fun. Now, picking a book title is a whole other matter altogether...

Reunited...And It Feels So Good

2009-07-15T15:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in some time--I sat and wrote! The last time I did a blog entry was April, and I think the last time I worked on my book was March, when I was also dealing with a wrist splint. The time gap this time, I'm happy to say, wasn't purely due to simple procrastination or even (not-so-simple) writer's block. Nope, this delay in large part can be attributed to the fact that I am, as they say, in the family way! Being pregnant in itself can be somewhat distracting (I've been reading waaaay too much about pregnancy on the internet as well as researching baby products), but I am only now coming out from under the cloud of morning sickness. There were some days during the past two months that I could barely move from the couch, where I lay curled up and nauseous, and was hardly thinking about writing, let alone actually doing it. Now, although I'm not entirely nausea-free, I'm feeling much better than I had been, and have recently been anxious to get back to my writing.

I'd bought a laptop prior to my trip back East about 2 1/2 months ago, hoping that during my trip I'd be so inclined to work on my story. Nope. Another reason I'd bought it was because Mr. GJ had been working at home a lot, and loud action movies on the TV in the living room were not conducive to my writing in the office (doors only helped so much--the living room and office share a wall), so the thought was that I'd be able to take a laptop anywhere I wanted to outside of the house. Then Mr. GJ wasn't working at home so often, and I wasn't much up to writing, anyway, so yesterday was the first time since I got the laptop that I was able to use it for the situation I'd bought it for. We're fortunate to have a room connected to our garage in the backyard, which we've set up as a sort of music room, complete with piano and futon, so I went out there, armed with some instrumental music (Aaron Copland and Tal Farlow, in case anyone's wondering), a big glass of water and my laptop, and aside from a couple of brief internet interruptions (for better or worse, we have internet access out there), I was able to revise/flesh out the chapter I'd most recently written, for a total of almost four new pages, almost doubling the previous length of that chapter.

Important things that came out of yesterday: I was happy with what I wrote (though we'll see if I feel the same way after my critique group reads it...), I realized once again how much I enjoy writing, I also realized that I'd missed my characters, and the whole laptop situation worked out beautifully (especially after I came inside at one point to be audibly accosted by some very loud metal music from the soundtrack of the project Mr. GJ was working on). For the first time in several months, I can say with much enthusiasm that I can't wait to get to my next chapter!

Reunions, Reunions

2009-04-06T15:41:00.000-07:00

Lately there's been a mini-flurry of activity in my life associated with reunions. The first, in a few weeks, is actually one that I instigated. Thanks to Facebook (again!), I found a couple of people I'd worked with at UCLA at the pizza place (which apparently doesn't exist anymore--now I'm sad...), and a couple of them were in touch with other people we'd worked with, so I suggested we get together in Westwood for dinner (and Diddy Riese cookies, of course). One friend and I agreed to bring photos (which will either be hilarious or cringe-inducing), and I'm really looking forward to catching up with everyone. The next one is in about a month, and it involves a bit of travel, as it's a school reunion at a fundraiser for the small private school I attended from kindergarten through 6th grade. I have no idea who or how many people will be there, some of whom I haven't seen in maybe 30 years. There's a little more at stake emotionally with the second one, since it involves going back to my hometown (which I miss dearly from time to time), seeing parents of students who knew my mom but who might not know she died and having to talk about that a lot, and possibly seeing people who weren't necessarily nice to me during that time and wondering if we're both past that (I surely hope so, but I don't know).

I'm not as much of a nerd now as I was during my elementary school years (but I'm always afraid in situations like this that I'll still be thought of as one by some people), but I do weigh more and have a few more facial lines (at least I still have all my hair, which is probably not true for at least a few guys from my class). I'm more excited to possibly see some of these people (including my favorite teacher ever, who's getting a retirement tribute at this reunion) than I am my college friends, only because going to that school was such a profound experience for me, it's linked to my hometown, and I haven't seen a lot of them for sooooo long, but it also makes me a little more anxious. I mean, when the inevitable question "What do you do for a living?" comes up, I feel like I should have more to say than "I'm an as-yet unpublished children's author." (If I say "I'm a children's author," the next question is invariably "Oh, anything published?" This way I head off that question at the pass...) I'll be traveling without Mr. GJ, so I won't have him to lean on during this event or decompress with after it. I'll also be seeing some family during this trip, which can be fun but a bit nerve-wracking (depending upon exactly which relatives are there). I want to take a side trip into New York while I'm there, but am trying to figure out if it'll be logistically possible with my schedule. All of which adds to extra potential stress that I won't have with a simple jaunt over to Westwood for dinner.

Even if there is some anxiety attached with either reunion, though, the positive aspects still outweigh the negative ones. I can't wait to trade war stories of pizza ovens with my college co-workers, and when I go to the other reunion, I bet I'll manage to get some fun out of it even if a mean girl from 4th grade still sees me as someone to whom she can make nasty comments. After all, how often do you get to see your favorite teacher and see how people turned out after 30 years, all in the same place? It'll be a first for me!

To Read or to Write?

2009-03-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

I'm taking my wrist for a test run at the keyboard right now. I took the splint off, but my wrist is a ghastly shade of purple-yellow bruising, and my mobility is limited. I really should go back for a follow-up with my doctor, but I've been putting it off. I'll give it another day or two sans splint and see how it feels.

Anyway, part of the reason I'm blogging is so I can put off making a decision about what to do at the moment. I've been kind of anxious to get back to writing, but have been hesitant to do so. I want to move forward in the revision, though I feel I need to address some issues in a previous chapter that were raised (rightfully so) by my critique group. (I haven't been able to quite convince myself that trying to solve a writing problem is a much better solution than avoidance--but I'm working on it...) I also want to do some reading, especially finishing up a book I'm currently in the middle of so I can start the new one by Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls. Besides that, I haven't been reading much lately, and I miss it. My favorite reading time is in bed before I go to sleep, either when Mr. GJ is on the computer or he's watching a movie in which I have no interest. It's also the time when I feel the least guilty about reading--I never seem to read in the middle of the day, because it seems like I should be doing any number of other things besides reading (like writing!), whereas at night, the only other thing I should necessarily be doing is sleeping.

On Friday night, I went to a book signing for Laurie Halse Anderson, which was great. She's very personable, and had some interesting things to say about teaching classic literature to kids (basically, that many books with fancy language aimed at adults--she used The Scarlet Letter as an example--make kids not like to read). As someone with a B.A. in English who had to read many a classic, I can attest that even in college, reading some of those books (or not reading them, as was sometimes the case with me) made me wonder why they were "classics" (though I still loved--and still do!--to read). Anyway, being at the signing made me want to go home and read as much as I could, maybe like continuing to work my way through the unread books on the shelves near my desk. However, it also made me want to go home and work on my manuscript ASAP, so I can finally move into the next phase of this whole process, which would hopefully be submissions to agents and/or editors.

Back in a bookstore yesterday to look for a particular non-fiction book, I found myself in the Children's area (as I invariably do). Once again, I found myself equally torn between wanting to go home and write my heart out, or wanting to curl up on the couch and quietly read for a couple of hours (never mind other things that have been calling out to me, like the dishes in the kitchen or the almost-overflowing hamper). I wish I could solve the problem by writing for a while, then reading a chapter or two until I'm ready to write a bit more, but I don't think my brain shifts gears that easily between the active and passive modes. Maybe I'll try it, anyway. I'll post back if it works...

Trying to Work Despite Distractions

2009-02-24T16:36:00.000-08:00

I've heard a lot of writers, both published and un-, talk about all the ways they can become distracted from writing. Some distractions are unavoidable, such as children needing attention (if I was a kid who had a parent-writer at home, I'm sure I'd want attention, too, since the parent is right there), while others are sought out as a method of procrastination (reading blogs, perhaps?). I don't have children, but I have a husband who sometimes needs to know where something is (a fairly common occurance among husbands, I understand), and cats that waver between being completely independent (aloof? a cat??) and needing to be petted NOW, even if that means head-butting my hand while I'm trying to use the computer mouse or lying down on the desk between my hands and the keyboard. Shutting the office door doesn't do much, because then I get curious paws poking underneath (the cats', not the husband's), which serves as its own distraction. I read other writer's blogs, I check email, and now I have the greater distraction of Facebook (though I am trying to limit my daily dose of that).

Sometimes I have to look things up on the Internet for my story, but then I remember something else I want to look up, and the next thing I know I'm surfing way too much. However, I discovered something today: certain things can only distract you if you let them.

I was revising a chapter from the critique group comments I'd gotten, which was easier to deal with than I'd been afraid it would be (maybe the idea of revision in small pieces is generally better for me than being freaked out that I HAVE TO REVISE MY ENTIRE BOOK). While I was doing that, our 16-pound cat decided he needed some love, planting himself firmly on the desk and rolling a bit onto the keyboard (he can't help it--he's large). I swiftly transferred him to my lap, where he purred contentedly (and I ended up with a better-than-a-blanket lap warmer). I'd forgotten to close my email (I try not to keep it open while I'm working), so I heard the telltale "ding-dong" as I was typing, and somehow managed to resist the urge to click over and read it. I didn't feel like going on Facebook until I was done with the revision, because I didn't think that responding to a Mardi Gras "poke" would be as fulfilling as getting my chapter done. And I was right.

So, today's productivity--rounding out some things in my most recently-completed chapter that needed to be tweaked before I started the next chapter, for a total of one page. Extremely productive? No. But extremely unproductive? No. And that's the important thing. If I want to be working on my book, then I guess not much can distract me if I don't want it to, and I realized that I'd been pretty stuck lately, hence welcoming the distractions. I have a full day tomorrow with a tour at the Museum of Tolerance, but I'm already anxious to get back to my book as soon as I get home. Usually I'm too distracted after a tour (adrenaline after a good tour, frustration after a bad one) to even think about sitting down and writing, but I already want to tomorrow. And that's a nice change.

Feeling (Kinda) Groovy

2009-02-13T16:26:00.000-08:00

I can be superstitious sometimes. Not with black cats, or walking under ladders (that just seems like a safety issue, anyway), but when it's Friday the 13th, I almost expect to have a bad day. Or maybe I'm just not surprised if I do. Today, however, was actually pretty good. I met my sister-in-law and her husband for lunch at a local hamburger institution that they'd never been to before, and it's always fun to introduce people to a place you love and have them enjoy it as well (and good food doesn't hurt, either). I knew it was supposed to rain today, so when I emerged from lunch and it had begun, I was prepared with my umbrella. When it really started to pour, I was already at home. There was lots of wildlife activity in the yard today (always seems to happen when it rains), and both the kitties and I were getting much enjoyment watching the scramble at the feeders through the window. I wrote a page before I left for lunch, and despaired that I wouldn't be able to finish the chapter by this afternoon, which wouldn't leave much for my critique group to read on Monday. Until now, I'd been giving them two chapters at a time, so having less than one full chapter was leaving me feeling under-accomplished. Until...

I got back from lunch, plopped myself down in front of the computer (having to move a very heavy and attention-needing cat off to the side of the desk), and started to type. Still without an outline, I was in slightly different territory from my previous draft (and not really able to use much at this point in the story from that previous draft), so in a way I was writing fresh. But not completely, and therein was the problem. Because I've been working on this novel on and off for a few years now, I'd write something that made me question whether it maintained proper continuity from something else, and then I'd try to remember if I was comparing it to something that happened earlier in the story, or simply in a previous draft. I was enjoying the actual writing! Then, the next thing I knew, I'd added in a section I hadn't planned on writing at all, and instead of dragging myself to the end of the chapter to get it done, I wrote two more pages than I'd been hoping for, and it didn't feel like I'd quickly wrapped up the chapter just to finish. Today's productivity--all new writing (which, I know, is part of the revision process), for a total of 5 pages.

And the best part is, it didn't suck! (Which for me, when I'm hurrying to try to meet a deadline--self-imposed or otherwise--is a big deal.) If I could get that total every day (or at least average that for the week), I'd be a happy camper right now, and hopefully put me at my goal of being done with this draft by mid-spring.

Not bad for a rainy Friday the 13th!

Feeling Overwhelmed...

2009-02-09T15:57:00.000-08:00

To jump right into things, I wrote 2 1/2 pages today (so far). Am I feeling glad or even satisfied? Nope. I'm feeling, perhaps overexpectantly, that I should have 5, 10, even 15 pages a day. After all, this is what I'm supposed to be doing every day in lieu of a job at the moment. And it's not like I'm writing from scratch, I'm revising, right? Well, sort of.

The last 2 chapters I brought to my critique group were well-received, even though I felt like I rushed to finish the last few pages. I felt like I ended a chapter on a kind of cliffhanger, but more just to end it, rather than knowing where I was going with it. I had a month until my next critique meeting, so I figured I'd take care of it. One week went by, then two. Now, suddenly, I'm supposed to send my work via email sometime this week and meet next week. And I feel like I've got nothing real to read right now. I kept telling myself I needed a new outline, and then I'd know where I was going, and then I'd have fun on the ride, like the first time I wrote a draft of this story. Well, as of this morning, I still had no outline. I tried, surely, but staring at a blank screen that said "OUTLINE" at the top completely intimidated me, so I saved the document without actually entering anything else on the page. I decided I'd just write, NaNoWriMo style, and see what came out, figuring once I got going, my fingers would just fly across the keyboard and I'd have a great output, even if it wasn't great writing.

Not quite.

I guess a large part of the problem is that I feel like I should be beyond that stage, now, that I'm not supposed to be working on the "butt in chair" draft, where I just get something down on paper to get started. Right now I'm supposed to be working on the revision of that, where I hone and fine-tune and re-work what I already wrote. Well, there's a reason I haven't worked on this novel in a few years, and it's mainly that I knew it needed revision, but I didn't know what revision. And there are some things about my book that I've changed so drastically recently, I might as well be starting from scratch with some plotlines.

Some of this is impatience (I've heard that many authors-in-progress experience this); I'm tired of working on this and want to move on to the next step (for me, submission, either to an agency or publisher), and some of it is my feeling badly that it's taken me so long to put out what I feel is so little. Sure, there are authors that work on a book for 10 years, but those are sometimes 800-page historical novels, not under-200 page Young Adult books. I think I need to let go of the guilt and concentrate on the work, and enjoy the writing itself. After all, enjoying the writing is why I wanted to be doing this in the first place...

Biting the Bullet

2009-01-21T19:59:00.000-08:00

Today, I did something that I had been putting off for a while now. It was something I thought maybe I'd do one day, but didn't know if I was quite ready to make the commitment. No, it wasn't redoing the outline for my novel (which has been screaming to me for the past few days). No, it wasn't rearranging my closet (which, believe me, also reeeeeaaaalllly needs to be done sooner than later). So, what was it?

I joined Facebook.

Now, to most people, this very well may seem like an insignificant thing, like cleaning out the lint trap each time you use the clothes dryer, or buckling your seat belt when you get into your car--a no-brainer--but for me, this was taking a plunge. There were decisions to be made: what photo to put up, how much info to include in my profile, things like that. As for the photo, well, I haven't liked photos of myself lately (I'm in the middle of a struggle to get in better shape--the word "diet" is off-limits), so how to decide to visually represent myself to people coming across my profile who may not have seen me for 20-plus years? I finally settled on one that I'm okay with, but still wish it was better. I haven't put any detailed info on there yet (how to decide what I want to convey will take a while, I'm sure), but what has sent me into a tizzy is trying to find people and "friending" them. So, I may want to see what the person who used to fall asleep in ninth-grade Earth Science is up to these days, but I can't view their profile unless I make a request to be added to their "Friends" list. Which means I can be rejected. Which is not good for my ego (there's a reason I write books for teenagers).

Also, I am the kind of person who, only when I got to college, did I grudgingly give up on the idea of trying to keep in touch with everyone I'd ever tried to keep in touch with, including people from summer camp and elementary school. Only, now I can try to find them again. Which means hours ahead of me trying to look up every name from my past that pops into my head. Which is a lot of names. A lot. I'm not trying to brag, I'm simply stating a fact that tons of names get stored in my brain and stay there (ask Mr. GJ), often much to my dismay. So there I was on Facebook this afternoon, finding such people as a guy I had a crush on in middle school, a guy I was inadvertently mean to in middle school (can't give any details, since I know I'll use it in a future book!), a girl I sat behind in chemistry, and people I did indeed go to summer camp with (none of my bunkmates, though--darn!). And then I typed in the name a girl whose name popped into my head because it was so distinctive, and though I think I only went to school with her for a year (maybe her family moved?) and she probably wouldn't remember me, suddenly her photo was onscreen. There she was, the same face I remembered from 30 years ago only older, and my brain almost exploded. Even as I'm typing this entry I've been intermittently checking names as I think of them.

Add to this fun-but-sometimes-mind-blowing activity the fact that decisions must be made, and I think by tomorrow I'll be on full overload. Here's the thing--my brother encouraged me to join, but he's the kind of person who would probably try to "friend" pretty much everyone he knows and not even think twice about it. I, on the other hand, find a name and mull it over, wanting to contact people I knew in high school, hoping they're over the high school "thing" and would be more tickled and curious to hear from me than repulsed. Not people I wasn't friends with at all (like people who were mean to me--yes, there were a few), but maybe people who were on the fringes of the "in" crowd (you know, that crowd I wasn't in), who I sat with in Spanish and were chatty with me in class if not outside of it. Or a few people who weren't necessarily friendly with me while we were in high school, but when I'd see them while I was home on break from college, we'd at least smile and say "hi" in recognition. If I tried to "friend" them, would they be past all the high school crap, or would they go running to their other friends and say "can you believe who just wanted to 'friend' me? Hahahahaha!" As if I wasn't anxious enough checking my email to see if the agency responded, now I get to also anxiously check to see if people have accepted my friend requests. Great.

Am I overthinking this? Probably. Am I thinking in this sort of detail about social relationships based on high school behavior even though we've hopefully all grown up from that because I'm a children's writer? I don't know...am I?

What I Love About Today

2009-01-20T16:02:00.000-08:00

I love that it's 75 degrees today. In January.

I love that I didn't have to be home in front of my TV today to watch the inauguration (and that when I did watch it, I could shorten the 5 hours of coverage if I wanted to--though not by much, since I was fascinated by a large part of it, including the Carters' snub of the Clintons...cool!).

I LOOOOOOVE my DVR (or, the generic name for TiVo). LOVE IT.

I love that not only did I get goosebumps when I watched Obama get sworn in, but also when they showed Hillary Clinton getting seated. Say what you will about her, but think about it: this is a former First Lady who is about to be our Secretary of State. I may not love all her politics, but GO HILLARY! I really hope I get to see a woman elected as President in my lifetime...

I love that when I led a tour at the Museum of Tolerance this morning that I had an exceptionally diverse group of kids--Native Amerian, Russian, Korean, African-American, to name a few--and got to teach them about the importance of heritage and family stories in the "Finding Our Families, Finding Ourselves" exhibit. And that the teacher was telling me the things they were doing in class to further those studies and discussions. We have such a wonderfully rich tapestry of cultures in America...

I love that I could walk to the Post Office..because I wanted to, not because I had to. Not only do I live in a suburban area that allows a proximity to things like the post office and the grocery store, but I also get exercise while I drop off my Netflix envelopes.

I love that my car is 15 years old and has less than 96,000 miles on it.

I love being able to walk into different rooms of the house today and finding sleeping kitties spread out (you'd never know how much trouble they can get into when they're awake by looking at their adorableness when they're sleeping!).

I love that thanks to the Internet, I've been in touch with someone I went to elementary school with who is planning a reunion of sorts for the small private school we went to...and that I actually want to go! None of the insecurities (I feel old, I feel fat, I haven't done anything exciting with my life...) that made me NOT want to go to my high school reunion.

I love knowing that my husband is in the next room working from home today (even if he's watching a James Bond movie REALLY loudly!) and that I can just poke my head in there and smile and make him wonder why I'm poking my head in and just looking at him...

I love that despite a couple of things about my current critique group that I would love to be a litttle different (it takes me almost an hour to get there with no traffic, and we meet once a month, which is not great for deadline-needing me--see previous post about my Goldfish Theory), but they are incredibly intuitive, honest, and supportive. One person whose opinion I really value wrote a note that I didn't see until I got home which said "I think you've got a publishable manuscript here." Editors may not agree, but at least I'm feeling more confident about where things are going with my writing and with the writing itself. The manuscript isn't perfect yet, but it sure feels closer to being ready to send out than it ever has.

Hooray for today!

Three Things...

2009-01-17T11:09:00.000-08:00

57 days...

When I look at the time gone by since I last wrote an entry, I cringe, so I'm not even going to discuss it. Well, maybe for a second. I mean, there are people who don't blog for even longer periods of time than that, but because I wanted to be able to write a blog entry every time I worked on my book, then that number represents the amount of time that I've neglected my revision (changing a word or two and adding a comma notwithstanding). And that's when the guilt sets in. In the meantime, though, I've made some forward progress, so it's time to blog--yay!

First things first: Recent productivity--combination of new stuff and reinsertion of old stuff, for a total of six pages. This was done yesterday, as I scrambled to submit to my critique group, which concretely proved why I need a critique group--because I need deadlines!! For me, time management has sort of been like a goldfish; the more room you give a goldfish, the bigger it supposedly grows, and the more time I have to do something, the more time I take (Mr. GJ was recently amazed when on vacation I took less than half the time to get ready that I usually do at home--which seems like it should be the other way around). If the only commitment I have is to myself, I don't seem to get things done. There's a lack of accountability that would be there if someone else was involved. Which I'm sure was the idea behind a little exercise we did at the Schmooze the other night, which was to break into small groups of three people or so and tell each other the writing goals we'd like to meet by the next Schmooze. This way, even if you don't end up in a group the next time with the same people, at least your goal is out there for someone (including yourself) to know about. My goal? To revise at least two chapters a month. With the mode I've been in lately, I really think that's do-able.

Which leads me to my second thing: the Schmooze. I am a recovering shy person, so at first it was extremely difficult for me to go to an event full of strangers where sometimes it seemed like everyone in the room but me was engaged in conversation. Now that I've been going to them on a fairly regular basis, there are people I recognize and say "hi" to but are not sure of their names (it's mutual), and there are a few people I know by name now, too. Sometimes even when I don't feel like the topic directly applies to me, I go anyway, if not for the social part of it than at least because maybe I'll find out about a great new website that someone mentions or something like that. If nothing else, it makes me continue to feel connected to the writing world and other writers even when I'm not particularly writing, and goodness knows I at least need that. Repeat after me: I am a writer even if I'm not published yet. I need to keep reminding myself...

My third thing: I sent a submission two days ago--WOO HOO!! Thanks to the encouragement of a couple of people at the Schmooze (see, this is why I continue to go to Schmoozes!), I submitted to an agency. A small step, but a big one for me, especially considering I've been working on novels for over 5 years now and have never sent anything out (I sent out a couple of picture books before I started novels, but I try not to think about those... *shudder*). Now I have to really get my butt in gear and crank up those revisions!

I told Mr. GJ that I felt like I wasn't quite back into the swing of things, that I felt like I was on the onramp about to get onto the freeway, but I wasn't at full speed just yet. I sure hope my car accelerates steadily--and soon!

Slowly But Surely...

2008-11-21T14:28:00.000-08:00

Hello, Blog, how I've missed you!

I created a double-edged sword by making a commitment to myself that I would only blog when I worked on my manuscript that day. The concept? Theoretically, to offer myself incentive to write (or lately, revise) each day. The reality? When I don't write, I don't blog, and the longer I don't blog the more guilty I feel because it represents how long I haven't worked on my novel, either...and it's DATED. I can now see that although I last blogged on Halloween, I hadn't actually worked on my revision since Oct. 15th. That's basically five weeks (not to be confused with that movie with the Moores, Mary Tyler and Dudley, Six Weeks) of not writing. And by not writing all that time, especially with the encouragement and feedback I've gotten lately, I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down. Myself, first of all. Mr. GJ, who's endured the years of my "working on a book." The people who have given me great feedback and who are rooting for me (many I don't even know that well!). My mother, who was my biggest cheerleader, and who although she's not here anymore to see me get published one day, I feel like I'm letting down the most because she encouraged me for so long.

So, although we have to get the house prepared for Thanksgiving next week (yes, I'm cooking for my in-laws, but it'll be very casual), although the weeds around our newly-planted CA natives are calling to me every time I walk out the front door, although I just want to curl up on the couch and plow through all the books that are sitting on my bookshelf as yet unread, I ignored all those options and sat down today to...WRITE! Okay, so it was only a quarter of a page, but it completed a page I'd been stuck on lo these many weeks, and after I finished it I felt like I finally leapt over a giant mudpuddle I'd been standing in front of. The longer I stood in front of it, the more I convinced myself that I couldn't get over it, but without thinking about it any more, I just jumped up and got over it. I'm antsy at the computer today, so I think I will go do some weeding now, but I really hope that when I come back to my story on Monday it'll be just a little bit easier--and a little less daunting.

To Approach or Not to Approach...

2008-10-31T16:44:00.000-07:00

Telling myself that I could only blog after I wrote for the day has been a mixed blessing...at first, it worked in that I was writing at least a little every day, but I had a couple of distracting personal things going on, then I got sick (knocked me out of commission for a week), and this week has been a bit discombobulated after being out of town for a wedding. So I haven't been blogging because I haven't been writing. The difference this time is that I don't just feel guilty for not writing, as I have in the past, but now I also miss it. I miss the characters, I miss moving the story along, and I miss working on my revisions to improve the whole book. That's how I know I'll be coming back to it (hopefully Monday), because I know I want to rather than being afraid of getting back to it and feeling guilty for being away from it in the first place. It's kind of like in The Goodbye Girl, when at the end, Richard Dreyfuss' character gets a job in LA and Marsha Mason's character thinks he's leaving for good because it's happened to her before, but then she sees his guitar is still in the apartment and she leans out the window in the pouring rain and yells, "You left your guitar! You're coming back!" Then he says "Of course I'm coming back!" and looks at her like she's crazy for being out in the pouring rain and he gets in his taxi and she smiles and waves and the sappy song swells and then the credits come up (gee, you think I've seen this movie a few times?). Well, I just found the guitar in the corner, so I know I'm coming back even though I've been away longer than I've wanted to be.

Yesterday I went to a talk and book signing with the tower of awesomeness that is John Green. I was trying really hard to finish his latest, Paper Towns, to avoid possibly learning the ending at the signing (even just from people around me talking about it), but I only got two-thirds of the way through. However, I digress. For an author, especially at a signing, they're pretty used to people complimenting them on their books and probably don't worry about having anything pithy to say to each person, but as a person on the other side of the book table, I often worry about what to say. It's pretty silly, really, because I'm only one of many in a long line, and it's not like an author is going to think "Wow, that person from Poughkipsie made a really stupid comment--I don't want them to read my books anymore." But for me, it's an opportunity to have a moment, however brief, to interact with someone whose work I admire. I could do a whole blog entry about my interactions with recognizable people (I hesitate to say celebrities, since not all of them are of a highly recognizable status--though I recognized them!), but now's not the time, and it has little to do with writing. Though I will say that one of the most exciting interactions I ever had was when I saw one of the co-creators of Schoolhouse Rock at the airport (no, I'm not that good--I'd seen him the night before at a tribute/discussion). He was so gracious and down-to-earth and didn't act like I was the tongue-tied uber-nerd fan that my friends later teased me that I'd been. Which brings me to my question: to approach, or not to approach?

This is a double-pronged issue. My first instinct, when I recognize people I admire, is to go up to them and tell them that. However, I often hesitate, especially depending on the setting, because I don't necessarily want to disturb them while they're going about doing things that non-recognizable people do all the time. Once I saw a famous actress walking ahead of me with her daughter, and I noticed that the actress' shoe was untied. I debated about saying anything, because I didn't want to take time away from this girl just spending time with her mom, but I finally decided that I didn't want to be responsible for this woman potentially tripping and breaking an ankle and missing her next million-dollar movie all because I hadn't warned her about her shoelace. I quietly tapped her on the shoulder and politely told her about her shoe, to which she rather frostily replied "Thank you." Now, I honestly don't know if she was annoyed that she was in fact spending time with her daughter and thought I shouldn't have bothered her at all, or if she was expecting me to ask for an autograph or tell her how much I enjoyed her work and was put out that I seemed not to care who she was. Which brings me to the other prong: not wanting to approach someone I admire because they might turn out to be a jerk and then I wouldn't admire them so much anymore.

I'll just focus on the author aspect of this, since with celebrities there are whole other categories, such as what their politics are, how they dress at award shows, and other such things that may make one think that the person's not exactly the cat's pajamas anymore. With authors, since I, for one, am basing most of my knowledge and admiration of them on their work, I'm sometimes hesitant to have that momentary interaction with them in case they turn out to be someone whose work I wouldn't want to read from that point forward. It is for this reason that I've been terrified to go to a Julie Andrews book signing (that, and that they're most probably crazy-crowded). I have worshipped Ms. Andrews since I was a wee tot, adored Mandy and The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles, and if she turned out to be anything less than practically perfect in every way, I might be disappointed. Well, that's an exaggeration, because I think someone would have to be a pretty big jerk for me to not want to read his or her stuff anymore if I liked it enough to approach them in the first place. Make sense? I've been to signings, even the "Autograph Party" at the SCBWI conference, where authors (and a few illustrators) seem less than interested to be signing my book, and a few have been paying attention to other people who are talking to them while I'm getting my book signed. I'm not talking about their agent or editor who has a quick comment or question, I'm talking about, let's say, the person behind me in line who strikes up a conversation before they get to the table, which renders my interactive face time moot.

Going to a signing is one thing, but having to make a quick decision in a public setting is a bit different. I recently saw Sonya Sones at a local farmer's market, whose book I had literally just finished reading a few days before. I didn't want to disturb her, but I so badly wanted to tell her how much I loved her book. I blurted out her first name as she was walking away, made my fan-like comments, and she was very gracious, telling me I'd made her day. It was great and brief, but I still couldn't help but wonder if I'd somehow bothered her from going about her business, enjoying shopping for produce, or if she was annoyed that a stranger had called her by her first name (which I wouldn't ordinarily do, but that was the first thing I could think of). That's me, I guess, being a bit too sensitive--but overall I was glad I said something to her. Then there's the time where at a recent conference I found myself sitting one row in front of Lisa Yee, whose work I really enjoy. I asked her some inane question about her famous Winnie-the-Pooh collection, just to have something to say to her. I was going to ask her to sign my book while we were sitting there, but I lost my nerve, and then I worried that she thought I was a crazy book-stalker who asks questions about Winnie-the-Pooh instead of the nervous fan that I was. In that case, I felt like I should have just kept my mouth shut...

Bottom line: there is no hard and fast rule for me about whether I approach an author or not. I guess I have to gauge the atmosphere and whether the person seems approachable. But more importantly, I have to be okay with my decision, to not kick myself later for not approaching someone, or to not berate myself for being an idiot if I do decide to say something. I'm just thankful to be able to see these authors at all in any situation, which my growing and marvelous signed-copy collection proves.

Happy Halloween!

But At Least I Wrote...

2008-10-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

All right, let's get right into it... Today's productivity--brand new stuff, including two lines that made me laugh out loud,, for a grand total of half a page. I am bumming. I am trying not to flog or mentally berate myself. But I am so disappointed. Mr. GJ worked at home again, which although it's not his fault, I just do not get as much work done when he's home. I don't quite understand this--I've done NaNoWriMo twice before, and managed to write on the weekends, when Mr. GJ was home, whenever I needed to in order to meet my daily quota. Today, not so much. Still, half a page is better than 3/5 of nothing, so I'm trying to look at the glass as half-full.

Tomorrow will be a no-writing day, as I'll be spending the day with Mr. GJ for his BIRTHDAY!!! So I'll look ahead to Friday...oh, I really hope I don't get a cold by then!

A New Routine

2008-10-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is a late post, but I am determined to make an entry to my blog whenever I write that day. I wrote a bit earlier, but went out tonight, so I wanted to make sure I still got a chance to post.

I don't even have much to say right now (I'm tired and possibly getting a cold), but I'm determined to get into this new routine I've devised for myself: writing every day (at least on weekdays), then blogging after I write. The lack of routine is what has bitten me in the butt in the past, I think, so any regimen I can follow now I think is definitely helping, as simple as it may be. I'd love to say that I get up, exercise, eat breakfast, then write until lunch, then go back to writing until dinner, but it just doesn't work that way for me. I still don't have a specific time that I start writing (I'm working on that--my new routine is still being honed...), but at least I'm writing.

Today's productivity--half rewrite, half new, for a total of 1 full page. No, it is not a great output for the day, but in the past I could quite conceivably not do any writing and think I'd just get to it tomorrow, so the one page I did today is an accomplishment for me in its own way. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Changing Things...

2008-10-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days that didn't go quite as I'd planned. Not the "my-car-unexpectedly-overheated-so-I-spent-all-day-getting-towed-and-at-the-mechanic's" sort of day (though I have had those before), but just a dumb kind of "things-took-longer-than-I-thought" type day. I did add some blog links to my blog today--blogs I read on a fairly regular basis, so I hope other people will get some enjoyment out of them, too. After dinner, Mr. GJ was still working (from home today, which again provided another distraction--but I'm working to overcome his being home being a distraction), so I decided to go into the office and at least get a few sentences down.

Today's productivity--a bit of re-writing a section moved from another chapter, and a bit of new writing, for a total of two full pages.

Now, that may not seem like a lot, but considering I thought the day was already written off and I rarely write at night, I'm very happy with my output. I daresay (I don't think I've ever used that word!) that I'm--eek!--enjoying the revision right now. I don't usually like it, often feeling like I don't know if I'm actually improving my story with the changes I'm making, but right now I feel that although it can be messy and time-consuming and I have to fight internal mini-battles about taking certain things out, I'm making progress. Since it felt like autumn today, I'll use a Halloween analogy: getting deeper into my revision feels like carving a jack-o'lantern, in that I know it's going to take time, and when I'm up to my elbows in cold, goopy pumpkin innards it's hard to believe it'll be worth it, but there's something satisfying about really getting in there and changing the structure of the pumpkin. And in the end, I'll hopefully have something really cool.

I feel like I'm getting to know my characters better, some of the relationships are becoming more defined, and I've been able to play up the humor more. I'm not always a patient person--I want to lose weight now, I want our new baby plants to grow and bloom now--but right now I'm enjoying the process of working on my book. It's like taking the Road to Hana in Maui--sometimes it's not about the destination, it's about making the trip...

Making Headway

2008-10-10T17:45:00.000-07:00

I guess I still have to get used to my little "experiment," because in my last post I forgot to include that day's progress. So, I'll do it now: Productivity--finishing a chapter, cutting, pasting and tweaking, for a total of about 2 pages. Not great, but I'm still trying to get into the rhythm of writing every day during the week (weekends are logistically more difficult, but I haven't completly ruled them out if I'm on a roll), so it was good enough for that day. And sending out my first two chapters to the members of my new critique group that day provided a sense of relief and accomplishment, with a bit of fear thrown in for good measure.

As for today, all day I was battling the kind of headache I can't stand (not that I like any headaches, but this kind, short of a migraine, is the worst for me), one that's a combination of sinus pressure and being tired, and usually the only thing that cures it is sleep. I toyed with the idea of lying down for a quick nap this afternoon, but I really wanted to work on my book, so I fought off the urge to close my eyes for a bit. The result? The headache receded, and I got to play "solve the puzzle" with my manuscript, moving things around and figuring out where things fit best. I still think it's better for me this way than to start from scratch with this story--my new analogy is that it's like going into a house in need of renovation, salvaging the good building materials and figuring out where you can use them rather than knocking down the whole thing. It's not as frustrating as I thought it might be, the result of making a later chapter the first chapter. In my previous draft, the scene I'm currently working on contained a character that had already been introduced about fifty pages prior to this scene, but now that character makes his entrance here. It makes things a bit complicated, but I actually enjoyed moving some things around, and the scene feels like it's making sense rather than just feeling adjusted to incorporate this character into it. It's slow going, but I feel like I have some traction right now, and that makes me happy...

Today's productivity--refining previously cut-and-pasted scene, some new writing to round it out, for a total of 3 full pages. I'm hoping to increase that amount on the days when I'm not doing full-out writing, but it's a start, and that works for me right now!

Revisiting and Revising

2008-10-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

Before this summer, the manuscript I'm currently working on had been sitting in a drawer for 5 years, as I recently realized. I'd had a particularly devastating critique of it with an editor at the SCBWI Summmer Conference (she didn't like the title, thought the voice wasn't strong enough, didn't know if my subject matter was enough to carry a whole book...), literally threw it into a drawer, and began to work on a different novel. I decided not to sign up for a critique this year, feeling like the novel I was working on for the past 3 years didn't need any further critiques right now, it just needed me to work on it, which I was having trouble doing. So I got out my first novel, almost afraid to look at it as I remembered all the negative comments I received the last time I'd worked on it. Well, guess what?

It wasn't horrible.

Was it ready to start submitting? No, far from it. But when I read parts of it as I flipped through the pages, I saw some things I really liked. A few things made me smile. A couple more made me laugh out loud. And when I signed up for the Working Writer's Retreat a few weeks later, I knew this was the manuscript I wanted to be working on right now. That decision was rewarded by getting great suggestions and some positive feedback from my critique group that weekend. I came home raring to go, feeling like I had a good foundation to work with and now I just needed to do some demolition as well as some rebuilding. I moved what had been Chapter 6 to become the new Chapter 1. That moved the story to a different time of year, causing me to chop a scene I really liked, but I'm trying not to be too attached to anything in the story right now. I put it in a folder and told myself I could use it in a different book. I'm feeling freer and more confident about my writing in general, and with this manuscript in particular, because it's not as bad as I'd thought it was in the mindset of receiving that awful critique.

It's funny, because today I pulled out a CD I hadn't listened to in probably a few years, and as I played it in my car, I realized I'd forgotten how much I liked it and wondered why I didn't play it more often (in my vast music collection, some CDs just get lost in the shuffle sometimes). I knew there was a reason I didn't get rid of it--there must have been something in the back of my mind that vaguely remembered that there was something about it I liked. Kind of like my manuscript...

It Worked!

2008-10-07T16:55:00.000-07:00

Better late than never... That "experiment" I mentioned I was going to try took longer than I thought to put into action, but it did indeed work, so I'm satisfied. Friday turned into a completely non-writing day, much to my chagrin, but it was productive in other ways, so I tried not to be too annoyed by it. My husband (known henceforward as Mr. Greenjeans, or Mr. GJ), had been doing massive research on California native plants, and there's a fantastic place called the Theodore Payne Foundation that specializes in CA natives, and they were having a sale. Beginning on Friday. At 8:30 am. We had no idea what to expect, whether or not there'd be plant people standing at the gate like customers at a Mervyn's sale, chanting "open, open, open!", so we wanted to go as early as possible.

Good thing we did--it was crowded. They were even out of one of the plants we really wanted, but when we found out that one woman had gotten there as soon as they opened and bought all 8 plants, we didn't feel too bad. Spending about 2 1/2 hours there, then hitting freeway traffic due to an accident, we got home just about lunchtime. Time enough for me to scarf down some leftovers and head to Santa Monica to meet another friend for a walk and massage appointments. By the time I got home, it was just about dinner time, and the day was shot for me, writing-wise. (Also, Mr. GJ was home, and I have a hard time writing when he is, but that's another story for another blog day...) The weekend was pretty much spent turning this:

into this:

Yes, it took us two days (well, all day Sat., Sun. afternoon and Mon. morning), including Mr. GJ taking out a tree stump that the previous owners had left behind when they had these plants put into the yard. Our across-the-street neighbors were so incredibly nice--the husband complimented us on our hard work on Saturday, then Sunday, as we're putting the new plants in around dinnertime, the couple came strolling over to compliment us again--and bring us dinner! They told us they'd made too much food and would be glad to bring us "a plate." We didn't know that was going to mean 3 barbecued chicken breasts, grilled asparagus, a full plate of pasta salad and a plastic tub full of homemade black beans. I've never had a neighbor do such a nice thing. When I bring back the plastic tub, it's going to be filled with homemade cookies--this kind act makes up for some other neighbors making comments about the state of our (overgrown) yard. I would never say anything about someone's yard unless it was a pure compliment, but people here have had no qualms about saying things like "Wow, ya got a lotta work there," and "Those weed grasses grow pretty fast, don't they?" and asking us directly to keep our flax plants trimmed because the neighbors get poked when they walk by.

But, I digress...on to my experiment!

I was having some trouble getting into a good writing groove last week when I came up with this plan, as well as yesterday, so I didn't implement it until today. I told myself that I wasn't allowed to blog until I got some writing done--in part because sometimes the writing here is more fun than writing my novel, but also because I want to give myself some accountability, so I'm going to post my progress here. Thusly: Today's productivity--combo of new writing, rewriting, and moving some pieces around (pieces I didn't want to cut but didn't really belong where they'd been) for a total of about 6 pages. Considering I've been working in fits and starts since the Working Writer's Retreat, I'm very satisfied with my output today. Hooray!

Getting Back to Work

2008-10-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, I can't say I've been very successful at this today. I met a friend for lunch in Beverly Hills and that took a chunk out of the middle of my day (even though I hadn't seen her for a while and we had a good time catching up--and I spotted Stephen Macht). I added a few more lines to my current chapter this morning, and was going to work some more when I got home this afternoon, but I had a bit of a fuzzy obstacle when one of our cats decided to lie on the desk between me and the keyboard. Just put him on the floor, you say? He's like a paddleball--he just comes right back. Shut the door, you say? Shutting a door in our house instantly invites all of our cats to stand outside it like they're in line for a new club opening. And one of them likes to stick her paws underneath the door as if she'll somehow be able to reach the doorknob. So I went into the other room, cat followed, then I went back to the office--and he didn't. Hooray, I could get back to work.

Nope.

Not the cats' fault this time. Mine, all mine. I went to the SCBWI Westside Schmooze last night, where we talked a lot about blogs. Now, I already have several bookmarked, many of which I read semi-regularly, and some occasionally. Well, now I somehow decided it would be a great idea to think of authors I've read lately whose books I really liked, and see if each of them has a blog. Not a quick task. Fun, but not quick. I found that Judy Blume even has a blog. In fact, Judy Blume having a blog on Blogger.com is in part what led me to do a blog here as opposed to some other sites. I thought, if it's good enough for the godmother of YA novels, then it's good enough for me. That was something that came up at the Schmooze--all the different blog hosting sites. It seemed that at conferences and stuff I've heard a lot of people talk about their "LJ names," so I thought LiveJournal would be the way to go, even though I preferred the layout of Blogger. Last night, though, it seemed like more people had blogs on Blogger. Then I started feeling like I did in middle school when I needed new sneakers. I'd always had Keds or Adidas, but in middle school, THE sneakers to have were Tretorns, a preppy tennis shoe (even if you didn't play tennis). So, buying Tretorns was a no-brainer--the biggest decision was what color triangle to get on the side (I was a semi-rebel by getting green when most people had red or blue). Now, is anyone going to think more or less of me because of the blog host I have? No, of course not. But I decided to embrace the feeling that it did matter, because that helps me remember what it felt like when I was thirteen and everything was an important (social) life-or-death decision.

So, I didn't get any more work done on my manuscript today, but I don't feel like the day was frittered away. I did get a bit done this morning, and I immersed myself in reading blogs and feeling connected to other writers, which is encouraging to me (children's authors can be some cool people!). Tomorrow I will try a new experiment with my manuscript in relation to my blog--we'll see if it works...

Back to Blogging!

2008-10-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

Wow, this feels weird. I'd attempted to keep a blog beginning about 3 years ago, with the idea of just posting what it was like to attempt to become a published children's author. Then some things happened in my life, beginning with losing my mom 3 months after my wedding, and there were a lot of things that happened in my family as a result. My blog became more about that stuff (which I needed to write at the time, I guess) and almost nothing to do with writing. But, I had some good things happen with writing lately that made me feel like I finally turned a corner after many fits and starts over the past few years, so I wanted to start with a minty-fresh NEW blog instead of going back to the other one.

So, here I am, starting fresh. Thought the timing was good to start anew now. Or, a new now. Look out, I'm enjoying writing again... :)